Fathers, Fighters, and Finding Peace

The fourth Heads Up retreat was different. These weren’t the usual 18-to-22-year-olds — they were older men, fathers who had spent decades in the military, carrying wounds that had compounded over years of service. They arrived in San Diego tense and uncertain, not realizing the warmth that was waiting for them.

Retreat assistant Kate H. described arriving to find the soldiers playing makot on the beach at sunset — the rhythmic ping of paddles and the sound of laughter filling the evening air. Within minutes of meeting, they greeted her with hugs and invited her to watch the sun set over the Pacific with beers in hand.

In the group therapy sessions, men who had been silent for years began to open up, sharing their fears and grief with others who understood. One soldier’s wife had told the organizers before the retreat that she felt like she had lost her husband — he had stopped smiling, stopped being happy. After the retreat, she saw a transformation.